You've got to stop living in a vacuum!

I have a cartoon by Mueller up on my computer. It is one guy looking at a guy inside a vacuum with the caption "You've got to stop living in a vacuum". I need to keep inspirations around like that to remind me that I need to get out in the world and interact with people. I come from very friendly people. Almost to a fault. My parents can talk to anyone at anytime about anything. I love that they never seem to pick and choose who to talk to. If someone has an ear, they both figure that ear needs a talkin' to. And I suppose, in my good moments, I can be like that too. But in general, I feel far more comfortable having my conversations in my own imagination, between me and a news article, or a book, or a TV show. I am really trying to be better. I find that I really fear telling the people in my life that I love, admire and appreciate them. What a silly fear! Anyway, so here is my top ten list for ways to tell people in your life how you feel about them, even if you are scared to do so. I do not intend to scold, this is really a list for me, myself and I, and I plan to refer to it often….

1. You can send gifts instead of delivering them to someone in person. It is a relief to me not to have to look at someone in the face when you hand them a gift.

2. Complement people behind their back. Tell other people how much someone has inspired you or how smart or interesting you think they are, or how helpful they have been to you in the past.

3. Buy what they are selling. I don't care if it is useless crap that is priced 10 times what it is worth. Buy it out of appreciation for who they are and what they value.

4. Talk to your friends about your friends. When one of your friends is struggling with a relationship problem, tell them a story of how another one of your friends conquered the same problem. No need to use names.

5. Adore their family members. Tell your coworker his wife is gorgeous. Tell her that her son is the sweetest child you've ever met. Coo and awe at those baby pictures.

6. Listen. Even if you don't know what to say or how to respond or how to fix the problem. Just listen and nod and incorporate their words into your psyche to think about later.

7. Accept invitations: When someone invites you over, gosh darn, say yes and commit to showing up. Showing up is half the battle, even if you think you don’t have enough guts to make it through the evening.

8. Be honest: Don’t try to be someone else to make people like you. You might think that hiding that you feel differently about some political or social issue will avoid any possibility of conflict, but in the end you are simply being dishonest and showing that you do not have enough trust that you will be accepted for who you are. Be honest about who you are and your feelings, and show the people in your life that you trust them with your thoughts and feelings.

9. Share: Give till you think it might hurt. If you only feel comfortable sharing one of your homemade brownies, give away two. If those homegrown zucchini are extra delicious this year even though you only grew two, give away one. If everyone is giving 5 dollars to give flowers for the death of a loved one, give 10.

10. Be kind: When those rare opportunities come about when you can really connect with someone, when they are in tears, when someone else is excluding them, when you should take the blame instead, when someone else speaks badly of another, speak up! Defend! Invite! Hug! Take any opportunity that arises to be kind and grab it and use it before it gets away, before you change your mind.